C is for Cancer

I could have picked many words for C, but I chose cancer.  Once cancer enters your life, your life is never the same.  When my mom and sister were diagnosed, our lives would forever be rocked.  Looking at this picture, I can see how exhausted I was at the time.  My life revolved around cancer, and I was exhausted.  My life still revolves around cancer.  I'm constantly checking my blood levels and making sure my fiber intake is acceptable.  I took a special cancer insurance policy out on my family to be sure that we would be financially secure if cancer reared its ugly head within my household.

Even though it's been a year and a half since my sister came home from Rochester, she is still healing.  Her eyesight had always been perfect, and now, she is legally blind in one eye.  With the bone marrow transplant, side effects can be very devastating.  Missi had Graft V. Host disease in her eyes, mouth, and sinuses.  She still struggles with her eyesight and platelet levels.  She's tired all the time, but she's here.  My sister survived.  Thank God she survived.

At the same time, my mom had Colon Cancer.  Luckily, her cancer was diagnosed at an early enough stage that we never doubted her survival.  Colon Cancer can be very deadly if it's not caught in time.  My mom struggled a lot with the side effects, but we never doubted her strength or survival. 

My Favorite March 1st

When I was a kid, I prayed a lot.  I prayed to be rich.  I prayed to be famous. I prayed I would have a baby brother.

My prayers were finally answered when I was in 8th grade.


Missi and I came home from school one day to find my mom overjoyed.  She told us she was going to have a baby!  YAY!!!!  We jumped up and down like you wouldn't believe.  A baby.

Nathan was born March 1st, 1988.  Missi and I loved him so.  We fought constantly over holding him.  We even fought about who would change his diapers.

Often times, throughout this year, I wondered what we would have done without that crazy little brother of ours.  Mark would have had to quit his job and give up his insurance.  I would have had to raise their children full-time.  Honestly, Missi and Mark probably would have lost their house.

Thank God for our Nathan.  Thank God for answered prayers.

What Life is Like Now

My sister and brother are home.  Of course, they've been home since about Thanksgiving. And even though Missi  has  had a few set backs here and there, but for the most part, she's stronger everyday.

When Missi's kids come home from school, she's there.  When the littlest Peterson brought home her first Valentienes, she was able to corner her mom on the couch and individually explain to her mother which Valentine came from whom.
 
Nathan has been able to go to classes, in person.  He doesn't miss a single day. And of course, like all good English majors, he's offering books for us to read left and right.



While they were gone, life had felt pretty bogged down.  It felt as though I was always walking in a pool of molasses.  And now, that they've returned.  Life is so easy. I can go shopping whenever I want to.  I can quilt.  I can go to basketball games and hockey games and cheer to my heart's content.


I'm not sure if you've ever had someone gone from your lives and had the opportunity for them to come back.  But it's wonderful.  It's so wonderful.  Life is so good.



Life is so much better with my siblings around.

Bonding over Bondo

For the past two months, Missi has been going back and forth to Rochester for check-ups every week or two.  Missi's three have been staying with us.

Among the five kids around this circus, only one is a boy.  Sometimes, he gets left out.

One day, he followed J out to the shop and then, around the yard.  Ethan started asking J questions about the old cars scattered throughout our yard.  They've bonded over bondo.

Now, when we go into the supermarket,  Ethan will head for the Auto Trader magazine.  He gets one for him and one for Jason.  He scours through the ads and is awed at the beautiful Mopars and discusses the unique aspects of each specimen of steel.

A Little Bit of Normal

Missi has been home off and on since Thanksgiving.  We're finding out what our new normal is.  I think for the most part, her kids just like her to be home. 

With so many steriods, Missi's pancreas zonked out for awhile, so the Peterson 5 has three diabetics, now.  Even though Missi is fabulous with figuring out her children's diabetes, I had to laugh when she bought some Tootsie Rolls on the way to Rochester last week.  The next day, her nurse coordinator asked her why her blood sugars were so high.

"Prednisone."  Missi answered.

"Tootsie Rolls." I laughed.

I guess diabetes isn't so easy to adapt to when it happens to one's own self. 

Today, Missi goes back to Rochester for more appointments.  The road is long and hard, but we're glad to make the trek.  Not everyone is given such odds in the fight against cancer. 

Too Bad

Source: katieandspencer.com via Gretchen on Pinterest

It took me a while to figure this out - even as an adult! Even life though life isn't fair, it's beautiful.

On Letting Go

Once in Junior High, I had to break up with a friend.  I loved my friend with my whole heart - she was funny and pretty, and I loved our conversations. 

One day, I realized that I was starting to get angry with her.  It seemed as though I loved her a bit more than she loved me.  She didn't invite me to her parties unless I pouted, and it seemed when I walked up to her in a group of friends there would be a lot of eye rolling and whispers.

It hurt.  I decided to not be her friend.  I decided to spend time with the people who made room for me at their lunch table.  I made room in my life for the girls who smiled when I smiled at them.  There was no eye rolling.

I  never made a scene - I just quietly went my own way.

Another time, a friend decided to let me go - she went quietly too.  One day in class, she stopped speaking to me and would walk away when I approached her. Ouch - that hurt.  I wondered long and hard if I had done something to upset her - was I rude? Did she think I was talking behind her back?  Finally, I gave up and moved on.

Of course, this was junior high and these girls grew up to be mature, fabulous women who do good things in the world.  At the time, I protected my heart and moved on from my friendships to find later that the qualities of these women improved with age as my qualities have improved with age.  (hopefully)

And even now, there are friends I let slip through my hands. I know that my family's health crisis isn't the worst thing that has happened to anyone, but it is the hardest thing that has happened to me.  I've had some friends leave me or not return my calls as I've reached out to them.  It's very lonely and surprising.  Just like junior high, I found many other glorious friends who return my smiles and reach out to support me during my current struggles.

I see my daughters go through the same pain, and I tell them the stories of me letting those friends go.  I know it breaks their hearts to have someone they admire not return the affection, but we must protect our hearts - even if, it's just a little bit.

In the Meantime... People just don't talk about colons....

Mom  had been seen at Mayo and had a colonoscopy years ago.  She was told to have a colonoscopy every ten years.  What she didn't remember at the time was that her dad, who died of Aplastic Anemia when she was 13 had also had colon problems.  Because, evidentally, people just don't talk about colon problems. Was it cancer?  We have no idea.  Mom's mom had died nine years ago and wasn't here to remind or tell mom about grandpa's medical conditions.

If the doctor's had known this, I  think they would have taken my mom's complaints to heart, but it's hard to put together a puzzle when the pieces are misplaced.

My point is, of course, write down your family medical history - your children may need it one day.

Mom has had a difficult time adjusting to the bag.  Mom and dad had many mishaps with her "bag" along the way to Rochester or in Grand Forks.  She had to learn to help gas leak out of her bag before it would explode.  Did I say that?  Do I just confess one of my mom's most vulnerable,  horrible memories to an unknown amount of people?  Yes because she asked me to.

Mom and I drove down to Rochester in July.  On the way, mom looked down and saw she had a leak so we pulled over into the next gas station.  When she stood up, she saw that her bag had had a terrible leak - and she needed to change clothes.  I told her to rush in while I got the supplies.  We found our way into the handicapped stall and locked ourselves in.

Thank God there is such a thing as colostomy bags.  Truly Thank God - but at this moment I knew that I needed to be sure to take control of my own health.   I became more determined with my Food Revolution....  

As soon as mom was diagnosed with colon cancer, I started experiencing symptoms of colon cancer - and of course, a lot of the symptoms of colon cancer are symptoms of stress.  Nonetheless, we had a colonoscopy scheduled, and I was given the order to quit my Diet Coke Habit, lose some weight, exercise, and eat fiber as tolerated. 

After quitting Diet Coke, my symptoms went away, but I still had the colonoscopy.  I did have a polyp - but it's gone now - because I had the colonoscopy it isn't developing into cancer.  I will have another colonoscopy in five years.

I just pray that my readers will see this and know what my mom is going through and think about the fear of a colonoscopy and know that a colonoscopy is nothing - especially if they are experience some of the symptoms of colon cancer - the evening in the bathroom of your own home prepping is NO BIG DEAL compared to the afternoon in the bathroom that mom had on her way to Rochester.

Mom has reconstructive surgery scheduled on December 12th.  We pray that everything goes according to plan, and mom's ordeal will be in the past.

April Fools

The night of mom's surgery, Missi and I went to see her in the hospital.  Missi and I walked from the parking lot to mom's room.  I remember looking at Missi and thinking she looked odd.  I remember thinking how strange it was that Missi was huffing and puffing with the short walk we had just taken.  I wondered why she seemed so bloated and had a yellow tint to her skin.  I thought she looked like she had cancer.  We walked into mom's room, and I was shocked that mom seemed to have the same tint to her skin.  I half-wondered to myself if both these ladies had cancer and pooh poohed myself with the thought that I was imagining things.


Mom and dad learned how to change mom's bag and practiced it over and over.  Eventually, mom was moved into a private room and was shocked on April Fool's morning when her doctor came in and told her biopsy had shown cancer in what they had removed and two lymph nodes close to the intestine.

When mom had told us, we were in shock. It seemed like a horrible April Fool's joke.  Mom was diagnosed with Stage 2.5 Colon Cancer and told that she would have 12 treatments over the course of 6 months.  She would have to wait six weeks after chemo to have her reconstructive surgery.  Mom wouldn't have her surger until December.

Mom was in the hospital that day that Missi found out she had cancer.  Missi had a blood smear test and found that she had "blasts" in her blood.  (Blasts are white blood cells that develop immaturely and cause platelet and red blood cells to drop)  Missi's husband and she waited for dad, and they all told her together that Missi would be fighting the fight of her life, too.

We Really Want You to Know This

After a good month of painkillers, mom demanded  a CT Scan.  She knew something was horribly wrong.  Finally, she started packing to head down to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester and told her doctors she wanted all of her paperwork to be sent to Rochester. 

At that time, the hospital in Grand Forks admitted her.  After her CT Scan, they found an infection in her colon and treated it with anti-bacterial IV drip.  Mom's pain wouldn't go away.  After a week, they gave her another CT scan and told her that she would need surgery to have part of her colon removed.

She was so scared and wanted to go to Mayo.  She thought they'd be able to cure her without the surgery.  The surgeon gave her the option of transferring but made it clear that she would be having surgery.


My mom had her surgery on a Monday.

When she woke up, she had a colostomy bag.  They told her they would re-attach her colon in a month's time.

It  turns out one's intestine could burst like appendix do. 

Mom was horrified.  She looked down to find a belt wrapped around her abdomen with a bag to collect her waste. 

We were just glad she wouldn't be in pain any more.

Priorities

These last few months HAVE been difficult, but truthfully, it's pathetic that I don't have more sympathy for my mom and sister.  I've mostly been thinking about myself and how I feel sorry for myself.  What a num nutz.

  I hadn't put much thought into how much my sister must miss her husband and kids.  It should have been an obvious concern - but I'm pretty self-aborbed.

Also, I hadn't thought about how much pain she really is in.  I think about the swimmer's itch we had when I was eight and she was ten, and I can barely imagine what she's going through.  This evening, she told me she cried all day because she was in so much pain.

When I told her that the doctor  had she a set-back, she argued with me that that didn't mean she'd have to be there the full 100 days.  She wants to go home in sixty days.  I told her "Well, if the doctor says you can come home on November 1st, that's when you'll come home.  We won't argue with him."  She started crying again I'm not sure if it's because she was relieved or just because she missed her kids so much.

On Giving Your All

This reminds me of a video our principal shared with us the first teacher day back.

http://www.100-0principle.com/

He stated it was the theme of our school year - every single one of us giving 100%.  I'm so glad I work with colleagues who get pumped by this stuff.  People who want to better themselves everyday. 

An International Gift

Somewhere out in this world is a twenty-six year old male who had a thought that he could do something to make the world a better place.

Maybe he nonchalantly thought he would put his DNA in the marrow.org database thinking he'd never be a match.  

And one day, he received a letter that he was a potential match.  They asked him if he would be willing to go through further testing, and willingly he went into his local clinic and had them send a blood sample for more testing. 

And they found he was the perfect match to a thirty-nine year old female living in the United States.

And so, willingly, he went to get more testing and shots to  build up his stem cells.

And at this very moment those stem cells are being harvested to go across the world to a woman whom he never even met.

A Brief Homecoming.

 Missi came home!  Even if for just a brief while, she got sit with her babies and watch a movie in her own house.s  She was able to see the changed we made throughout her house.  She was able to buy tennis shoes with the girls for school. 

Of course, she won't be there for Ethan's football games this fall or Mykayla's first day of Kindergarten. And I know she wants to be sure Mariah's hair is de-tangled.  I know that hurts for her, and I seem to forget that all the time. I forget until it's time to leave and how hard it is to leave.  

I have to keep reminding myself that Missi will be here for Mykayla's graduation, Mariah's softball games, and Ethan's golf meets. 

When Missi came home, she had Mark drive her around town.  She reported to me every house that was for sale - and noticed any additions any of her neighbors had made.  I hadn't noticed. I hadn't realized how much Missi missed the town.  Our town is such a pretty little town, and you wouldn't believe the colors in the fall.  I guess I would miss the town too.

Strength

The past few days Missi has been the sickest ever. It's hard to think that we're seven hours away - but it's comforting to know that Nathan is with her.   At least someone is there washing her clothes and making sure she has everything she needs.  Of course, I tell the kids their mom is back in the hospital.  We go about our usual day in the calmest way possible.  I know they worry.

"They are keeping a close eye on mom."  I usually sneak a hug or two when they least expect it.  They pretend it's annoying - but I know they need at least their momma's baby sister to give them a hug.

One day I'll come across this blog post and remember - there were hard days with cancer.  Missi had made it look so easy.  She is bound to have some setbacks.

In early April, I took Missi in for a bone marrow biopsy.  The night before the appointment I kept having nightmares that I was taking Missi in for a bone marrow biopsy.  I'd wake up relieved it was a dream - and then, realize it was real....

There are times I have worse nightmares - and I remember my sister is strong, I say the Lord's Prayer, and I have a peaceful rest.

While You Were Out.

I made a video and placed it on youtube for Missi to see.  We've been busy preparing Missi's home for her return - we're still waiting to find out when that will be and for how long.  But at least she's strong.

Allie's Mom Does Not Have Cancer

Since my mom and sister have been diagnosed with cancer, my Allie has been worried about me. 

"Mom, do you have cancer?" 

"No"

When I'm sitting next to her on the couch, she'll grab my face and look under the bags under my eyes to look for yellow - and then, look under my tongue.  She heard one of the ladies at church tell me that a lot of doctors could look for those signs to detect cancer.

"Mom, I couldn't handle you being away from me like Missi.  Please, don't get cancer."

It breaks my heart.

I promised Allison that I would monitor my blood levels so they could determine if I ever get cancer - and I would get a,  *cough,* colonoscopy as soon as my insurance permitted.  I also promised I would eat lots of fiber.

Allie has been writing letters to her aunt - most of them too heartbreaking to even want to send to Missi.

"When will you come home?"

a big

"FIGHT CENCER!!!"

I've noticed a new game in the sun room.  It's called "MAYO CLINIC."  In this game, Allison and Mariah, (Missi's youngest) are doing their best to diagnose Mykayla, (Missi's youngest).

The've made checklists just like doctors and nurses have

Temp - 99.5
Heart - good
blood sugars - 124
poop- brown
Belly - hurts, tickles, hurts, tickle, tickle tickle, hurt
Under tongue - white
eyes, - white

And they've checked her over and over every three hours.

The two come to me and look under my eye bags, and then, again under my tongue and keep trying to really believe that Allie's mom does not have cancer.

Potential Donors

This weekend, Jason and I took our girls to Rochester to see Melissa Sue.  Before we left Thursday afternoon, Missi called and said there was a couple potential donors.  Their information is being processed through insurance at this moment.

So, we wait.  And hope.  We asked  - Will we receive?  It looks like it might be so.

Over the weekend, we met many other patients with AML.  Unfortunately, since the beginning of April, Mayo Clinic has seen many, many AML patients. (I'm going to be brave and wonder out loud - Fukishima? hmm- I'm not the only one who has raised their eyebrows at this)

One of the patients was diagnosed and already had a donor lined up.    He is a 20 year-old male from the USA.  That's all she knows about him.

We all wondered about this 20 year-old hero.  I wonder what motivated him to go to that drive or  booth.  Did he go on the internet and send for a kit?  I wonder if he knows that he will save the life of a 43 year-old mother of two from the USA.

I wonder about the potential donors that are being tested for Missi.  Do they pray for her everynight and hope they will be the one who saves the life a 39 year-old mother of three?


"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.





Luke 11:9

Ask and You Shall Receive

Our quilt group made these quilts for my mom and sister - the pink is for Missi - entitled "Melissa's Home."  The blue is for mom - entitled - "Vicki's Valor".  Would you believe I kept this a secret for a month?  I did.  Really really!

People have been so kind to our family - someone in the highway department came by and grated down our driveway - the Boy Scouts adopted Missi's lawn for the summer.  Many kind ladies have helped me launder the kids' clothes and brought hot dishes over so we'd have one less thing to think about.  Someone even gave us a gift certificate for an oil change - just when Mark and Missi's van needed an oil change.

It seems that I've had secret wishes - "Dear God - I wish I could get the Peterson Kids' picture taken for Mothers' Day" and out of the blue, Mandy Cardinal,  a photographer asks me if she can help Missi's Mother's Day brighter.  

And so now, I'm asking "Dear God - let there be a perfect bone marrow match for my sister."

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Luke 11:9

A Perfect Match

Currently, Missi's Marrow doctor is searching the country for her perfect match.  Neither Nathan nor I are a perfect match.  They will continue to look at our marow to see if they can match enough markers to do a translpant with our marrow - but a perfect match would be better.

You can register your marrow at

http://www.marrow.org/JOIN/Join_Now/join_now.html