Apocalypse - a Story of a Water Beetle

 One day, at the end of the school year, I decided to take a little walk to Cenex during a break.  When I left the school, the streets were unusually quiet.  The air felt strange to me.  I felt as though some life lesson or major life event was about to take place.
 
I skipped a bit and looked down.  That's when I saw a bug.  This bug was the biggest bug I had ever seen in my entire life.  So, I took a picture of it with my cell phone.

 

 

The picture was very, very disappointing.  There's no way anyone could have imagined how  big this bug was to me.

That's when I saw two seniors walking into the school.  I was actually relieved because I started wondering if, in fact, I had been left behind and was living in an apocalyptic world inhabited just by me and these scary looking bugs.

 They pondered the bug with me for a while, and we went on our separate ways.  I, to Cenex - They, to class.

I thought about this bug.  I wondered about it and suddenly found myself in front of the store with a big bang.  My shoe had caught on to the first step.  I fell with a thud with my cheek basically smearing down the glass door.  It was not unlike a bird who flies into a fresh window.

A man rushed out of the store and helped me up.  I brushed myself off and found myself inside Cenex which had a bustle of people giggling at my mishap.

I reached for the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and reached inside my purse to find the money to pay.  And, inside I found I had some yogurt which had sprayed it's contents entirely over my delightful purse.  Key lime pie flavored coins and make up were part of my world.

I went back to school and cleaned up in the teacher's lounge sharing my story with my colleagues. The Biology teacher knew which bug I was talking about right away.

I hadn't imagined size of this bug.  And I wasn't LEFT BEHIND to fight an apocalyptic battle against zombies, either.

Too Bad

Source: katieandspencer.com via Gretchen on Pinterest

It took me a while to figure this out - even as an adult! Even life though life isn't fair, it's beautiful.

Advice for Us

I love this.  I will try to live up to this.  We all have the opportunity to choose to help in some way every day - we might as well do it with as much energy as we can muster.

Facing a Nightmare

For the past four months, we have been fighting our own war for both my sister's and mother's lives.  Each battle has been in our favor so far.  I am so grateful for that.

A little over a week ago, my husband sent me  a link.  A young father, who is a soldier, lost his life in Afghanistan.  I saw his name and realized it was the older brother of a past student in Fosston.  It took my breath away realizing our biggest fear had come true for them - they had lost a their sibling, their son, their father, and a husband. They were facing my nightmares -

I always liked this family.  I sat with this soldier's parents one evening on a fan bus.  They were some of the nicest people I ever met.  I really enjoyed their son in my classroom, and I loved hearing their stories of their family.  Just real home spun people - - very modest and knew what was important in life to them - family, hobbies, God, and travel.  I talked so much to them I nearly wore myself out from all my laughter.

In a T.V. interview, the soldier's dad said that he was sad to lose his son, but he knew where his son is now, and that was a comfort, but he felt so bad that his grandchildren lost their father.  I get that.

Missi's Little Shadow!

Mykayla loved Missi's black hat with the pink flower.  For some reason, I really love that!

Time Travel

I had a rough morning yesterday.  Ethan's insulin pump was acting up and he was running very high.  He was lying low while the girls and I cleaned like crazy.  After lunch, my mom took the Peterson girls to the dentist.

My windows in my room were open.  The humidity had finally dropped to 43%, and the breeze was amazing. I decided to lie down on my bed and close my eyes for just a few minutes.

I was totally relaxed.  Suddenly, the sounds from outside reminded me of the when I'd lay down for a nap back when I was a kid.  The smell of a house being tidied up.  Cars driving by,  birds chirping, and squirrels arguing.  I felt like I was five. - Before ever having a job, children, having a spouse, or ever having to worry about other people's medical health.

Confirmed Truth

The other day I was having a conversation with my mom about rumors and gossip and their differences.

She defined gossip as "nontruths or rumors."   I define gossip as "anything you don't want the person you're talking about hearing what you just said about them."

"Whaatttt?  That's not gossip - if it's true Bobbi, it's not gossip - it's just sharing what you know - it's sharing knowledge."

Now, of course, mom doesn't think all knowledge needs to be repeated...  some knowledge can be kept to herself.  Mom won't go and repeat who is sleeping with whom with just anyone.  She's just saying that if it's true it's not gossiping.  I'm saying if you're repeating something that someone wouldn't want you to repeat then, well, that's gossiping.

This becomes my moral dilemna.  I'm a story teller by nature.  There's some mighty fine interesting stories out there - and well, there's some mighty fine stories that have come my way. The reporter I am makes me want to tell the story and make sure everyone knows how juicy it is - 

I've decided to button my lips.

It's not easy I'm tellin' ya - it's not easy.

The Internets

One piece of advice I've clung to since my mom and sister were diagnosed is to stay clear of the internet medical sites. They are not up-to-date.  Medical sites can not keep up to the research.

When Missi or mom visit their oncologists, the oncologist is always positive and says "The prognosis is good."  And so I take my cue from them - the experts on my mom and sister at the time. 

There is no website, other than Missi's caringbridge site, that has expertise on HER leukemia.  There is no website that has expertise on my mom's cancer.

There is no reason to read through those websites and scare the snap out of myself.  I can only look forward and make sure Missi's family has a healthy meal at the end of the day and some clean clothes. 

I can only find comfort in the kids who sing and dance in my kitchen and humbly pray before dinner.  I can only look forward and make sure I get my daily walk and do my best to get the right amount of sleep.

I have to trust in God and those oncologists who say the "Wow - the prognosis is good."

In Black

There 's a big difference between ...



and

Biutiful

This weekend J-Bird and I decided to go on a date night, so I sent the girls over to Grandma Vic's and went online to see what's happen' in Fargo, North Dakota. 

"Hey, hey, hey..." I thought,   "maybe there's something exciting going on at the Fargo Theater."

So, I found Biutiful was playing.

 We spent the day poking around Herbergers, Barnes and Noble, and Harbor Freight.   Because theses are our interests.  Sales on clothes, books and tools.

For awhile there, I lost Jason in Barnes and Nobel.   Every once in a while, I'd walk by the gardening section - I was sure that he'd end up there eventually.  Suddenly, I heard a woman ask where she may find books on building chicken coops - Ah ha!

So, yeah - that's about where I found him.


We settled into our room and headed off to the movie.  I was nervous - what if all the tickets were sold out?

Well...  turns out there were only two other people in the theater - foreign films aren't the biggest seller in the Northern Plains.

The movie was remarkable.  Javier Bardem was amazing.  I was completely lost in the story and agitated throughout the movie - I didn't know how this dying man would find peace or someone to take care of his children.  I hadn't considered how poorly illegal immigrants were treated.  I hadn't considered how complete their desperation was. And if those topics weren't enough to cover,  there was mental illness.  But mostly - forgiveness.

I had planned on making a Target run after the movie, but there are just some movies that are so hard to transition to normal life after watching.  And this was that type of movie. 

Orbitz Worst Nightmare

I'm orbitz.com's worst nightmare.  Or suncountry.com's ..  Or expedia.com 

I love to go on travel websites and pretend to book trips.  Last week, I made elaborate plans to go on an Alaskan cruise with Jason and the girls.  We were to leave fom Seattle on June 4th and return the 11th.

I even priced out Dramamine because I was pretty sure I'd be sea sick the first few days.

I had thought about driving to Ketchikan, AK, but then, I'd have to drive through Canada.  And psst...  Canada is big.  And sort of boring.  Kinda like driving through North Dakota but bigger.

View Larger Map

 Aaaahhh never mind - look at all those mountains -

But then, I'd have to drive through the mountains.  Yikes!  Driving though mountains isn't easy.  And Jason makes me drive. I can't always put my feet on the dash and holler "Mush" as he takes me to my desired destination.

To add to orbitz' annoyance, I pretend booked trips to DisneyWorld - but guess what?  Suncountry has better deals - and traveler's can leave from the smaller airport in MSP.  And save like $1,000 for a family of four. 

I've also been comparing trips via amtrak and plane to head out to Chesapeake to see J's aunt and uncle.  So - Amtrak is annoyed with me because I pretend to go on trips with them, too. 

I didn't book any of those trips.  I will though.  After paying off some major bills, our cash-flow situation has improved...  So maybe Orbitz, Suncountry, and Amtrak will finally  reap the benefits of our diligence.

A Lesson a Day

At the end of the day as I fall to sleep after my evening prayers, I try to think of what lesson I learned for the day.  Mostly every night, I think "I will not think mean thoughts about people.  I will not be judgmental."

I'm finding the lesson hard.  My inner language is so hard to fight.  My patience wears thin.  My brain has not convinced my mouth to lighten up.

All those people I'm judging in my brain - may just  have faced the hardest day of their life.  Whatever struggle that person is facing - I do not need to know the struggle - I just need to assume that the person I'm annoyed with might be having one of those days, one of those weeks,  one of those months, or  one of those decades.

And instead of  being annoyed with them for being short or rude with me, I just need to move on and send them kindness and compassion..

Slowly, I find myself become less judgmental and more kind...  It's just such a slow process..

Ok - I retract that!

The weather here was horrible.  I drove the girls out to piano lessons and had a difficult time speeding up to 25 mph.  But that's ok - we got to keep it safe - the only problem with bein' slow in the weather - is well - driving up icy hills.  We live in the only area around here with hills and cliffs... so it's really pretty - but yeah - not so fun to drive up a hill with icy roads.  I can't even imagine the roads in Duluth...   I'm pretty sure our biggest hill is no where near the grandness of their smallest hill.

So - I have been sewing and watching movies.... but mostly  keeping my girls safe - at home where we all belong in weather like this.

Winter Storm

I'm always disappointed when a winter storm doesn't pan out.  Last night, I stocked up on some fabric, milk, and potatoes for "The Storm."  I woke up this morning to find no storm in sight.

I really can't figure out why I'm annoyed with this. 

Sigh..

Not Everyone Likes Me

It used to bother me that not everyone in the world liked me.

Now - I could care less. 

I do my best to help people.  I try to be kind to anyone who I encounter throughout the day - and yet, people still talk about me behind my back. 

Well - whatever.  I do my best, and I'm still misunderstood.

I try to give people  the benefit of the doubt.  If they can do the same for me, I appreciate it.

If not, whatevs...

All I can think of is this:



When they see my face, I hope it gives 'em ....

Litterbug

I hate it when I see people litter.  Now, I'm not sayin' that because I'm little miss neat freak - cuz I'm not.  I'm just sayin' You'll never see me throw a styrofoam coffee cup out the window as I'm drivin' down the street.

Now, I wasn't always like that.

My dad caught me once rolling down the window popping out a lifesaver's wrapper.

"Don't do that!!!"  My dad was horrified.

"So - it's only little pieces of paper..."

"You don't know what kind of bird will choke on that."  He was looking at me in the rearview mirror.  "And did you know that when you die - God makes you go back out to the world and pick up all your litter?"

"Really? Just like how we have to pick up our toys?"

"Yup.  He has a list - and guess what?  Every little piece of paper you dropped must be picked up - before you ever enter heaven."

"Whoooaaaa."  I was quiet for the rest of the trip - sort of panicking about all the paper I had left behind in cars my whole entire life of five years!

So,it's kind of a religous thing with me.  My dad probably made up a story to get me to stop being a litterbug - but there's probably some sort of universal truth in taking care of the earth since it's a pretty awesome thing and all.

Christmas Miracles

The past few weeks I've seen quiet glimpses of everyday life that make me tear up.  As I was reading Teach's blog over here - I realized I wasn't the only one caught in the beauty of Christmas.

Last Sunday, our church had our Sunday School program - Allison was Gabriel the Arch Angel - Courtney, her friend was Mary, - and Brady, another friend was Joseph. Mary was about a foot and half taller than Joseph.. Mariah - my niece - was a Wise Man - she's usually a wiseguy though.  Mykayla - my littlest niece was a sheep.   Her costume was a big piece of cardboard with quilting batting glued on and a big hole for her head.  She carried that cardboard around as she walked down the aisle with all the pride a four-year-old could muster.  Now - I didn't bring my camera.  I should have because there is nothing sweeter than a grade school nativity.  But what really got me was when they were singing "Away in The Manger", in the humblest loving voices, the sun came out and shined brilliantly through the stain-glass-cross in the front of the church.  I took this as a sign of loving grace.  Our own Christmas miracle.

On Wednesday, our little school on the prairie had a talent show. There were even prizes - big prizes - first place was a hundred dollars!!!  I don't think there was an act that didn't get a "Woop Woop!"  The teachers even led the kids into a group "Cha Cha Slide"



(That's not us though)

I mean EVERY kid got up and did the "Cha Cha Slide"

The first place winner was a hair-rock-medley-guitar-solo.  Second place was the magic show.  Third place was a beautiful duet that wowed the socks off of me.  But I think what I loved the most was the shy girl - the one who constantly pushes herself to join speech - she went up there and sang her heart out - and everyone cheered for her up there.  You know?  That says a lot about these kids.

And I got to see it.

Quilting..

In all, forty quilts were made and donated to the Salvation Army.  We were pretty proud to display them and help pack them up to send them on their way to be under a tree for some little boys and girls in the area!

Angels

When we lived in Grand Forks during the flood, there was an angel  who gave $1,000 to most of the residents who lost their home.  That was 1997. 

I was pouring through my December issue of Smithsonian and came upon this article

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/A-Yuletide-Gift-of-Kindness.html

I loved this article. I love that there are people in the world who care SO much.  I'm going to do my best to remember that THIS is what Christmas is all about.

It doesn't matter how wonderfully your house is decorated - or how many cookies you bake - or if you get whatever it is on your list.  I'd like to think that we all would be like these examples and dwell on how to be kind.

College

When my yearbook girls were getting ready for college last spring, I had to bite my tongue.  I REALLY wanted to share my college horror stories of my crazy room mates I had my first year of college.

Of how, when I opened my door to my dorm room.... there was a big pile of undies draped across what would be my bed.

"Spray it."  mom said to the ding dong and handed her a can of Lysol.  "That's gross."

Her boyfriend was a football player for our college and would call every two hours to be sure she was in the dorm and not "sneaking" around on him.

I put in a transfer notice.

My second room mate was a neat freak who's dad had been caught window peeping.  He was a sex offender.

"Totally unfounded." she assured me.

I put my request for my own room.

Thank goodness it came in the clear within a week.

So - yeah - I didn't share those stories - though they may have been funny.  Maybe they'll have a few stories of their own to tell me one day!