On Trying

The only athletic thing I ever did in High School was try out for cheer leading.  I was in the 8th grade.We were trying out for the next year's squads.

I remember going to practice not being able to do much...  My arms were never precise enough, and I had a hard time remembering the routines.

But I practiced.  I was so sore from trying to do the splits and practicing the school song.

No matter how sore I was, my body needed the practice.  I moved in spite of the pain.

When the day of tryouts came.  I was ready.  I danced the school song with all of my heart and cheered precise and enthusiastic cheers.

I remember waiting the next day for results.

My score was a 494.  I had the highest score of any of the girls my age who tried out for the Football/Volleyball squad.  I had made Varsity the first year I had tried out.  In fact, I had outranked a would-be Senior.  I would be the only Freshman on the Varsity Football/Volleyball squad, and I was thrilled.

I cheered for two years.  My sophomore year I became captain of the squad.  After that, I would sometimes dress up as the mascot.

Now, my oldest is busy with drama and has decided to try Track on the days she doesn't have drama.  Tonight, she complained about being sore and how tough it was to run. She had drama, so she had to run on her own.
"Oh come on... Get out there and run a mile."

"Naw... I'm sore."

"Nawwwwww..." I smiled.  "I'll walk if you run."

"I'll run if you run" she dared.

So, I ran the mile.

Of course, Nat finished a quarter of a mile ahead of me.

"I can't believe I beat you." She exclaimed. "I kept stopping, and I still beat you."  

I guess she's  not a very graceful winner yet. 

"Yeah, Nat, I bet I could beat my mom in a race too."

On Letting Go

Once in Junior High, I had to break up with a friend.  I loved my friend with my whole heart - she was funny and pretty, and I loved our conversations. 

One day, I realized that I was starting to get angry with her.  It seemed as though I loved her a bit more than she loved me.  She didn't invite me to her parties unless I pouted, and it seemed when I walked up to her in a group of friends there would be a lot of eye rolling and whispers.

It hurt.  I decided to not be her friend.  I decided to spend time with the people who made room for me at their lunch table.  I made room in my life for the girls who smiled when I smiled at them.  There was no eye rolling.

I  never made a scene - I just quietly went my own way.

Another time, a friend decided to let me go - she went quietly too.  One day in class, she stopped speaking to me and would walk away when I approached her. Ouch - that hurt.  I wondered long and hard if I had done something to upset her - was I rude? Did she think I was talking behind her back?  Finally, I gave up and moved on.

Of course, this was junior high and these girls grew up to be mature, fabulous women who do good things in the world.  At the time, I protected my heart and moved on from my friendships to find later that the qualities of these women improved with age as my qualities have improved with age.  (hopefully)

And even now, there are friends I let slip through my hands. I know that my family's health crisis isn't the worst thing that has happened to anyone, but it is the hardest thing that has happened to me.  I've had some friends leave me or not return my calls as I've reached out to them.  It's very lonely and surprising.  Just like junior high, I found many other glorious friends who return my smiles and reach out to support me during my current struggles.

I see my daughters go through the same pain, and I tell them the stories of me letting those friends go.  I know it breaks their hearts to have someone they admire not return the affection, but we must protect our hearts - even if, it's just a little bit.

Forgiveness...

"forgive everyone for your own sins and be sure to tell them you love them which you do"
— Jack Kerouac

I think I have a grudge or two.  I'd try and think of what they were - but then, would that be helpful - would it give me a loving heart?  I'm not sure.  I think I should pray to let go of a grudge and feel forgiveness in my heart instead of caring the burden of a grudge.

I thought I had a grudge on some of the school bullies from high school - but I found that those same men, who were boys who made fun of me and my sister, were sending balloons to my sister in her hospital room or even visiting her when they were in town.  Those men were no longer boys.  They had grown up.

Pink Houses for You and Me

We were the girls who lived in the pink house -
across from the high school.
We ate homemade Popsicles
made from Kool-Aid
and came home for lunch
when the church bells rang.

We climbed trees in the neighborhood
and scraped our knees on our bikes.
Everyday was an adventure -
but it has to be if your the type
of girl who lives in a
pink house.

Hair

Yesterday morning, Missi told me that she was going to ask the nurses to shave her hair.  She sounded very brave.

"It's so itchy."

I think she truly believed it would stay.   I remembered a song that came out a few years ago about a young girl who had leukemia.



When we were teens, Missi would chase me around the room asking me what color I thought her hair was.  Uhhh... I never had patience.for that.  I guess that's why we are sisters - we have to spread the caring around so it's all covered!

Maybe now, my not caring will help her, too.  I'll crochet her a pretty cap to go along with her pretty eyes.

My Protector

Missi was always so bossy.  When I was first born, she called me "the baby."  Well, for cryin' out-loud - I wasn't a baby!

When I was five, my grandma's dog bit my cheek.  Most of what I remember is only a secondary memory of what Missi told me about that scary night.  She reminded me of the dog crying in confusion - and how we had ordered pizza delivery - She also remembered that we fed the dog "lots of candy" beforehand.  I hadn't remembered those things until she told me about it.  Missi would have been seven when that happened.  Both of us were very afraid of dogs after that.  I got over it when we finally got a dog out at the farm - but Missi is still afraid of dogs - I'm sure it's because she remembers what my cheek looked like after the dog tore it up.

I also remember the first time I drove on ice.  Of course, we ended up in the ditch.  One guy offered us a ride, and I almost got in his car.  "Ummmm No."  I thought she was paranoid.  I didn't even think about the fact that he was going away from Thief River rather toward.  Missi and I waited until a lady from town saw us - we knew her personally - we could trust her.

One summer we got swimmer's itch.  We were at Lake of the Woods and didn't have running water - we thought the mosquitoes were bad - so we kept on swimming...... Oh we were so itchy. That's when we found out about something called aloe vera.

Well lucky, she's pretty bossy with this cancer.  And she's bossying it out of her bloodstream.  Wednesday, she'll get another biopsy to see if that intensive therapy did its job. 

Litterbug

I hate it when I see people litter.  Now, I'm not sayin' that because I'm little miss neat freak - cuz I'm not.  I'm just sayin' You'll never see me throw a styrofoam coffee cup out the window as I'm drivin' down the street.

Now, I wasn't always like that.

My dad caught me once rolling down the window popping out a lifesaver's wrapper.

"Don't do that!!!"  My dad was horrified.

"So - it's only little pieces of paper..."

"You don't know what kind of bird will choke on that."  He was looking at me in the rearview mirror.  "And did you know that when you die - God makes you go back out to the world and pick up all your litter?"

"Really? Just like how we have to pick up our toys?"

"Yup.  He has a list - and guess what?  Every little piece of paper you dropped must be picked up - before you ever enter heaven."

"Whoooaaaa."  I was quiet for the rest of the trip - sort of panicking about all the paper I had left behind in cars my whole entire life of five years!

So,it's kind of a religous thing with me.  My dad probably made up a story to get me to stop being a litterbug - but there's probably some sort of universal truth in taking care of the earth since it's a pretty awesome thing and all.

The Long Way Home

We had our first snow storm yesterday.  I was driving very slowly on my way home from school when I got a call from Missi.  It had seemed that Mykayla, my preschool niece,  had decided to take the bus to my house.  Missi had the office call the bus and tell Natalie and Allison to wait for Missi at the end of the driveway so she could pick her munchkin up.

Only -

They discovered Mykayla wasn't on that bus.


So - can you imagine the panic ripple that swept across Red Lake County for the next five minutes?


Where was this four-year-old with a pink tog hat?

 It turns out some of her preschool friends wanted her to take the bus with them.  So, she did.  She was in Brooks.  I was on my way home about a mile from the bus.

I convinced the driver to turn around and bring the little elf with pink hat and boots to me. 

I asked my little friend, "Where you scared?"

She smiled brightly.  "No - I didn't go on the wrong bus Bobbi.  I just wanted to ride with Ava and Tristan."

That reminded me of someone I used to know.

Seeds

There it was - Look at that Candy.  OOOO mom said we could pick one piece of candy because we were good in the supermarket.

"Missi - Look!  They have all kinds of candy here."

"Bobbi - that's the seeds.  They're for gardens.

"They are candy - look - a picture of a watermelon.  - What do you think the carrot candy tastes like?"

"Bobbi - it says seeds on the bags."

"Does not."

"Bobbi - those are seeds.  I can read it.  You can't read."

"Missi - you're such a bragger.  I can read - it says Candy."

I was five.  I didn't read when I was five.

Mom let me buy that back with the watermelon on the front.. "Let her find out for herself, Missi."

When I got to the car, I opened the bag to find candy that looked like watermelon seeds.

I tasted one - expecting sugary goodness -

But - geez - it tasted like seeds.

Best Seat in the House

Ta da!  I was the first kid on the bus! Hooray hooray for me!  And guess where I got to sit?  Right behind the bus driver.

Hooray hooray for me.  Me and my new friend were so excited.  Whenever a kid got on the bus, we would promptly look at them and smile - because guess who had the best seat in the house?  And it was even my first day of Kindergarten?

The only thing is that it sure took a long time for those busses to get going.

My sister, Missi, entered the bus.  She had been crying...  What a baby.

"Look Missi!  I got the seat behind THE DRIVER!"

"Bobbi - you're on the wrong bus.  I've been looking for you on all the buses.  When mom finds out, she's going to be SO mad."  She was grabbing my arm.

"You're SO bossy!"

"I"m staying right here!"
 
Pretty soon Shirley came in to the bus.


"There you are!  You had your sister all worried."  She grabbed my hand and Missi's hand and dragged us  off the bus.

Missi turned to me and pointed to the number pinned to my jacket.  "YOU went on the wrong bus!"

"Who cares?"  I said.  I would have gotten home.

Shirley bent over and pointed to the number 2  - "Bobbi - that's your bus number - that's where you go."

We trampled into Bus Number 2.  I walked passed Brad - he was sitting right behind the bus driver with big white teeth.

Missi pushed me into a seat four seats down from the driver and proceeded the aisle.

I looked up and Brad was still gloating.  I hid the hot tears streaming down my cheeks.

Alma Mater

I've been subbing at my Alma Mater - L-A-F-A-Y-E-T-T--E-E-A-G-L-E-S. 

It's odd.

Do you ever have dreams about High School? 

I always dream about MY high school.  The three levels.  Being late for Spanish class on the third floor - the cafeteria in the basement.



About ten? years ago - they tore down the old part of the school and put up a new school..

It's really niceeee ...

There's only one teacher left from my old days - and the school counselor. 

 I was dropping off my sub key at the end of the day and on the counter were makeup slips - remember those - we had to have all the teachers sign them so we knew what to do because we were sick or whatever - and I looked at the make-up slip pad - and I thought "oh my.... that's the same thing we had in high school - exactly"

- and do you know what I did?

 I picked it up - and smelled it! 

Because I'm a freak!

And it reminded me of my teen years..  the old school...

The secretaries looked at me odd and started laughing and then, I laughed realizing how silly that was... 

I had a case of sensory impulse...

Leaf Houses

In the fall, my mom would send Missi and I outside to rake leaves.  This seemed to be the silliest thing ever.  Didn't mom know that snow would just cover the leaves in a few months anyway and no one would ever know the difference?

Missi and I would take our rakes and start at opposite ends of the lawn.  We'd moan about the unfairness of raking such a big lawn...  Eventually, we'd get bored with raking and complaining about raking.

We started raking the leaves into boxes.  Eventually the boxes would look like the blue prints of a magnificent house.  We invited all of our friends in the neighborhood to play in our leaf house.  We thought it was the best thing in the world.

Eventually, we went to our neighbor "Hey Marc, you work for the Gazette?  Come and take a picture of our leaf house!  It's amazing!  It needs to be in the Red Lake Falls Gazette!"

He agreed! 

We were so excited.

And then, he met us in our backyard and took a look at our leaf house.

"Wow - I'm not sure how to take a picture of this so it would show up in the paper.  Do you think you kids could take these leaves and put them in a pile?  And I'll take a picture of you kids jumping in!"

Well - woo hoo... we got to work.

And there in the paper that week was a picture of about six kids jumping in a big leaf pile! 

We had made the Gazette!

My dad made us rake up the leaf pile and scatter it on the garden for compost.  He said that over the winter the leaves would turn into dirt.


It didn't seem so much like work after all was said and done.  We were local celebrities.

Huh?

I found this on List of the Day;



I remember watching these commercials and then, later spilling Kool-Aid or breaking something.  I'd run and tell my mom.....  She'd never be so cool about any of my "confessions" as the guy in this commercial. I was so disappointed in my mom -  I'd look at her with knowing eyes after watching this commercial and shake my head.

"We're not Mormons.."  She'd say and flick some ashes off her cigarette.

Friends Forever

You know how everyone writes in your yearbook - "Friends Forever!" OR "BFF" Or "FA" or anything else like that?

Well, that actually happens. Well with me, it does. My friends from high school and I still hang.... Seriously - and it's been (cough*) eighteen years since we've graduated.




This weekend, Sarie got married! Road trip! Hooray!!!! We packed ourselves into Heather's Trailblazer, and drove the six hours down the cities.
I wish I had pictures from back in the days when we were eighteen and dancing at the Plummer dances. I just know that we always end up laughing at the days we were young and head banging in the Plummer City Hall.
We know everything about each other. We know each boyfriend and the hang ups each one had. Angie, on the left, was the first of us to get married. I was the second. We've danced at each others weddings and even held each other through many of life's disappointments. We've laughed at famous stories of attending wedding dances with "flashers." We know each crush and giggle every time it's brought up.

I'm not sure how many people can say they've had the same friends for over twenty years?

The Cheese Touch..

A few weeks ago, we went to the movie "Diary of A Wimpy Kid," and I gotta tell you this show - it has its moments. I love the cheese touch, but I don't want the cheese touch.

I hafta say... there are kids in this movie who remind me of my classmates, my daughters, my students, and even of myself.

The characters crack me up - I mean Greg - what a lovable jerk!

Rowley - the perfect best friend!


Patty = aaaaa = scary girl!

Freagley - Watch out for that mole!

These books have been some of my favorites to recommend as a teacher. Jeff Kinney has an excellent voice that brings laughter and dread to any middle schooler or past middle schooler. I can't think of any kid bringing back the book and saying "Lame." They've all smiled and giggled as they've returned it back to my desk.

Junior High

What surprises me the most about junior high kids is how it matters so much who they sit by. I mean, they have a heart attack if they don't sit by their best friend. They have a heart attack if they are grouped with some boy they consider to be a nerd. I guess I remembered that now that I think about it. You know, you want to be grouped with the people your comfortable with - but - that is why I assign groups - I assign seats - because well - it's important to get to know everyone - to give everyone a chance. I mean - don't we all have to get used to sitting by someone we don't get along with at some point. We have to be polite -


But the thing is - this polite thing - is really hard for them.

"oooo no - I have to sit by her" one boy calls out "She has a crush on me."

For cryin' out loud! These words were spoken at the top of his lungs.

This poor girl had tears in her eyes. I told him to "Shush" and took him outside while he got the "OH my gwarsh - was there a better way of doing this" speech.

But then, we had a teachers in-service. Teachers were saving spots for their best friends. Seriously. You couldn't sit next to Y because she was holding a spot for X. Seriously folks. I went and sat where I knew I'd be welcome - just like any other seventh grader would do.

Dreams-

I've been dreaming a lot. It seems like I have the most vivid dreams in the Spring. Last night, I dreamed I was back in high school competing in Speech with Mrs. V.E. I can't be quite sure if I was in junior high in 2010 or in 1988, BUT I do know I was in junior high.

In my dream, Mrs. V.E. called my house. Not the house I live in now, but the square house I grew up in. She told me they were waiting for me and my sister to get on the speech bus. I hurried and got ready and picked up a bunch of speeches I had been considering giving and took my sister by the hand and ran out the door.

On the speech bus, I noticed some of my seventh and eighth graders on the bus. Also there was a ninth grader or two. Also - there were some kids from where I student taught along with some of my childhood friends.

In my dream, I sat with my sister and the bus was crowded. I had to demand a place to sit. I was looking through papers and wondering which speech I should give. "Us and Them" by David Sedaris? How about "Seventh Grade" by Gary Soto? Or this funny speech about facebook?

I awoke to Allison jumping on the bed showing me her loot from the Easter Bunny. I was relieved. I didn't have to worry about who I was sitting next to on the bus. I didn't have to wonder what speech to give. I just sat up and smiled at Allie ooing and aweing over chocolate.

Day on the Hill

One thing about Red Lake Falls - it's our hill. It's not the biggest hill in the entire world - but it's a hill!

This is the hill I sled down in the winter. This is the hill I rolled down in the summer.

It's fun to see the girls and their cousins doing the same thing.

Twenty-Three Years Ago - that was me.

Today, I was a judge at a speech meet in Fosston. Twenty-three years ago, I was a young whipper snapper in seventh grade. I was in Storytelling - the category. I was struck how these kids looked just like us. They were us.

Back in the olden days, We had our draw and were sent off to practice. We went to various corners throughout whatever school and reviewed our stories - and practiced our stories to which ever wall we were around. And we did this because it was fun?

I ended up judging Prose Novice - which is basically "Stuff That Makes Junior High Students Cry" category. There were a lot of sad speeches that scared the crap out of me.

The next category I judged was Informative. I learned a lot. One girl even sounded like she was on MPR.

And of course, I got to judge Storytelling. After being in Storytelling, I can tell you one thing. You can do anything. If you go in front of a snippy judge with glasses down to her nose - and make all those funny voices - you can get up in front of any crowd and say anything.

After turning in my score cards, I went home. I needed to get home to my kids and J.Bird. I'd have loved to stay and remember the excitement of the awards ceremony. To see if I got an excellent or a placement. To see if that cute speech boy noticed me.

Who's that Teacher?

This week, our school published our first edition of the school newspaper. We have a feature entitled "Who's that Teacher?"

Some of the comments I heard from the kids on this picture...

"Is that Mr. Schmidt dressed up as a girl?"

"Well - it's kind of creepy that that kid now teaches us in this very school."

"Is that a boy or a girl?"

Well - ok?

So - it's a good thing I have a sense of humor.