Forgiveness...

"forgive everyone for your own sins and be sure to tell them you love them which you do"
— Jack Kerouac

I think I have a grudge or two.  I'd try and think of what they were - but then, would that be helpful - would it give me a loving heart?  I'm not sure.  I think I should pray to let go of a grudge and feel forgiveness in my heart instead of caring the burden of a grudge.

I thought I had a grudge on some of the school bullies from high school - but I found that those same men, who were boys who made fun of me and my sister, were sending balloons to my sister in her hospital room or even visiting her when they were in town.  Those men were no longer boys.  They had grown up.

Allie's Mom Does Not Have Cancer

Since my mom and sister have been diagnosed with cancer, my Allie has been worried about me. 

"Mom, do you have cancer?" 

"No"

When I'm sitting next to her on the couch, she'll grab my face and look under the bags under my eyes to look for yellow - and then, look under my tongue.  She heard one of the ladies at church tell me that a lot of doctors could look for those signs to detect cancer.

"Mom, I couldn't handle you being away from me like Missi.  Please, don't get cancer."

It breaks my heart.

I promised Allison that I would monitor my blood levels so they could determine if I ever get cancer - and I would get a,  *cough,* colonoscopy as soon as my insurance permitted.  I also promised I would eat lots of fiber.

Allie has been writing letters to her aunt - most of them too heartbreaking to even want to send to Missi.

"When will you come home?"

a big

"FIGHT CENCER!!!"

I've noticed a new game in the sun room.  It's called "MAYO CLINIC."  In this game, Allison and Mariah, (Missi's youngest) are doing their best to diagnose Mykayla, (Missi's youngest).

The've made checklists just like doctors and nurses have

Temp - 99.5
Heart - good
blood sugars - 124
poop- brown
Belly - hurts, tickles, hurts, tickle, tickle tickle, hurt
Under tongue - white
eyes, - white

And they've checked her over and over every three hours.

The two come to me and look under my eye bags, and then, again under my tongue and keep trying to really believe that Allie's mom does not have cancer.

Potential Donors

This weekend, Jason and I took our girls to Rochester to see Melissa Sue.  Before we left Thursday afternoon, Missi called and said there was a couple potential donors.  Their information is being processed through insurance at this moment.

So, we wait.  And hope.  We asked  - Will we receive?  It looks like it might be so.

Over the weekend, we met many other patients with AML.  Unfortunately, since the beginning of April, Mayo Clinic has seen many, many AML patients. (I'm going to be brave and wonder out loud - Fukishima? hmm- I'm not the only one who has raised their eyebrows at this)

One of the patients was diagnosed and already had a donor lined up.    He is a 20 year-old male from the USA.  That's all she knows about him.

We all wondered about this 20 year-old hero.  I wonder what motivated him to go to that drive or  booth.  Did he go on the internet and send for a kit?  I wonder if he knows that he will save the life of a 43 year-old mother of two from the USA.

I wonder about the potential donors that are being tested for Missi.  Do they pray for her everynight and hope they will be the one who saves the life a 39 year-old mother of three?


"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.





Luke 11:9

Ask and You Shall Receive

Our quilt group made these quilts for my mom and sister - the pink is for Missi - entitled "Melissa's Home."  The blue is for mom - entitled - "Vicki's Valor".  Would you believe I kept this a secret for a month?  I did.  Really really!

People have been so kind to our family - someone in the highway department came by and grated down our driveway - the Boy Scouts adopted Missi's lawn for the summer.  Many kind ladies have helped me launder the kids' clothes and brought hot dishes over so we'd have one less thing to think about.  Someone even gave us a gift certificate for an oil change - just when Mark and Missi's van needed an oil change.

It seems that I've had secret wishes - "Dear God - I wish I could get the Peterson Kids' picture taken for Mothers' Day" and out of the blue, Mandy Cardinal,  a photographer asks me if she can help Missi's Mother's Day brighter.  

And so now, I'm asking "Dear God - let there be a perfect bone marrow match for my sister."

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Luke 11:9

Easter Fun

We had a great Easter.  The girls and I headed to church - ohhhh we were ten minutes late - but we got there.  The only available seating was in the back in the fellowship hall.  We sat next to Mark and the kids.  In fact there weren't even any hymn books left.

Usually, our church services start at 10:45 during the school year and 9:00 during the summer.  Easter - we have two services 7:00 and 10:00 with some sort of breakfast in between.   Every Easter, there is a family or two who are late.  This year - there were about five families who came into church who gave me a very confused look.  "Don't worry - it happens every Easter - you're in time for communion" I give them a hug - because of course, they come in at five different times - We all smile - because it's confusing - we're used to the routine - and laugh at ourselves because change is odd. 

This Easter, we decided to go to the waterpark.  We all chipped in some money and bought a birthday package.  Mark's grandpa just had a birthday, so we put "Happy Birthday Great-Grandpa" on the cake.  The kids ate pizza, sloppy joes, and chips. 

We played all day long. 

We lazied ourselves in the lazy river. We squealed down the slides. We relaxed in the hot tub.

And oh!  We ate cake!

Filling my Cup

I've been busy taking care of my sister's children and updating her caringbridge site while teaching and taking care of my own family.

I need to make sure my own cup is filled.  I've been continuing my journey to better health by exercising and eating right.  I feel healthy and that is good. 


For the past lenten season, I've been attending Wednesday services.  Usually, one of the groups at church provide a light supper with some yummy bars or pie. 

When Missi told me about her coming battle, I was shattered because I knew it would difficult with my mom having cancer.  I also thought of Missi's three children.  I went to the Wednesday service.  I don't remember what the visiting pastor said or what the bible text was - but the congregation sang this song...




My heart was filled such peace. It sounded as though angels were singing to me.

One Year Ago

I was struggling with my own battle. I was laid off from my school.  I wasn't sure to be mad at - and that was frustrating.   But at the time, I was in a big funk.  I knew I would be okay financially.  I even knew I'd get over the initial pain.  My brain was very philosophical, and I knew that God had a plan for me somewhere else. 


I taught at the ALC last summer.  I subbed at various classrooms and found out that subbing wasn't for me.  Then, I heard about a courageous woman who was losing her battle with cancer and wasn't only having to leave behind her kids but her Spanish class as well.

I ended up teaching that Spanish class.  I'm at the best school I've ever taught at.  I love my job.  I'm so happy here.

Sometimes, it's really hard to understand the journey.  I have to learn to stop trying.

Prayer Shawl

While I wait for my sister's results, I decided to make my sister and my mom a Prayer Shawl.  A church friend of ours had been diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia AML this past fall and and heard the story of another church in town providing her with a prayer shawl.  This morning on my break, I googled prayer shawls and found a nice pattern book to download on Annie's Attic.

According to the pattern, a prayer shawl is an excellent way for people to work out their worries as they pray for the recipient. Some of the suggested prayers include "God Bless you with his healing heart."  Or  "May God comfort you in your time of sorrow."  Or "Peace be with you."  I liked the concept of crocheting because it reminds me of my grandma teaching me to crochet - and that will make my mom and sister smile.

I found a pattern that fit the yarn they carried at Oklee Quilting   - a nice soft cotton bulky - intended for a baby blanket - so soft for comfort.  I picked out a sage green that looked like a lot of the shirts Missi wears, brought it home, and started crocheting my little heart out.

I found that as I prayed the simple words "God Bless You" my crocheting looked better.  The pattern book explained that crochet or knitting is a lot like meditation or praying in itself -- over and over repeating a pattern to calm ourselves.

It turns out I didn't have to pay for any prayer shawl pattern - there are many excellent recources with free patterns and prayers online.   There are plenty of people wanting to share their ideas.

http://www.shawlministry.com/prayers.htm

I know my mom and sister will be all right.  I know that colon cancer has an excellent prognosis since it was caught at an early enough stage for my mom.  I'm in awe of the science involved with leukemia and the added hope science brings to my faith.

I think your prayers are working. I'm laughing at corny jokes again.  Faith is blooming in my heart.

Sunday School

Every other month, I teach second grade Sunday School at my church. I share my class with another mom in the church.   Every week, I find a lesson out of the packet and make photocopies of some sort of word find or coloring page to do after we read a bible story together.

This week, we read Matthew 6:34 and the lesson of not worrying

 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 And we talked about things we worry about - and let me tell you - second graders have a lot to worry about- - like money, grandmas, health, food, friends, and even their hair!

When we talked about Jesus telling everybody not to worry - it was kind of sweet to see the kids smile and sort of sigh about that special guy named Jesus.

Each grade has a significant something  for kids to memorize - I know one year the girls had to remember John 3:16 - was it Kindergarten or 1st grade? I'm not sure...  But I do know that third graders learn the books of the bible,  fifth graders learn the Apostle's Creed,  someone must make them learn the Ten Commandments, and sixth grade learns the Twenty-Third Psalm.  

And it was kind of cool - because my second graders need to memorize The Lord's Prayer and know what it means. And somehow - it works out with our lesson of not worrying.

I asked the kids what they thought they should do if they kept worrying even if they knew they shouldn't - you know, just because someone tells you not to worry does that mean you stop worrying?  Not always. Anyways, I don't - I need a distraction to keep my mind off troublesome matters.

So, I told the kids to say this prayer whenever they are worried.

"I do that!  It doesn't work."

"Then say it again and again."

"Mrsakhus does that make us crazy?"  (They same my name so it sounds like there's socks in my name.)

"Not it just keeps reminding you.."

When I taught my Poetry Out Loud units at school, I always told my kids that it was important to have poetry memorized and that they could take it out at any time to comfort themselves or comfort others - or perhaps they could remember the poem at a time when they were scared... 

So, we wrote the prayer on the whiteboard and removed words and talked about the word being "Bread" not "Breath" And how forgiving was good for our hearts..

And all this talk about prayer - which to me, is really just a whole bunch of positive thoughts, made our time together very cheerful...  a whole bunch hopeful.

On praying...

I caught this article this morning.. I like it - I may just forward it to my pastor. 

Shredded Cabbage

Last night, I called into Brent's...
"Say - do you have shredded cabbage?'

The young girl put me on hold.... 

"No sorry... no shredded cabbage here."

"Oh.  Bummer."

So...  I wondered this morning if they had cabbage heads (Guess who's bringin' cabbage to BethanY? ya - me!)  and if I should ask that.. so, I called back...

"Do you have heads of cabbage..?"

"Oh let me look"

She put me on hold again.  I danced to their  music was it "Do you know the way to San Jose?"  I think so.

"Yes!"

We were in business!

I went into town - (let's pretend I showered first.)

And guess what??  They had ooodles of bagged cabbage.

I turned to the dear and exclaimed... "Lucky me!!!  You got shredded cabbage in this morning... You didn't have it last night."

"Oh."  She said confused.  "Last night, I only saw the bags of coleslaw - I didn't see the shredded cabbage."

And I smiled - "Well - I guess this is what I meant.... Shredded cabbage is the coleslaw mix."

"ohhhh..." 

Poor girl... I got the giggles at her expense.

Foster Quilts

I'm a member of a Quilter's Guild.  I think I am the youngest member.  I'm not sure if every other member realizes I'm not fifty because when I brought a blanket I made for one of the girls a few years ago and another member asked me if I made it for my grandchild.

"I'm thirty-four."  I was confused and wore make-up for the next two weeks.

At last week's meeting, we decided to make quilts for kids in foster care.  This cause is dear to me.


Our organizer commented that many kids in foster care don't have a thing when they are rescued....  Sometimes, they only have the diaper they were wearing.  Wouldn't it be nice for them to have something of their own?  Something to keep them warm?  Something to snuggle with?

For one year, I did respite care for a brother and sister.  They spent Christmas with me and my family along with Thanksgiving and Easter....  They didn't have much...  That Christmas each had received a blanket - so soft - and I wondered who the secret angel was that put so much love in to their creation for two lonely little angels sitting under my tree.

Summer Job

As a kid, my dream had been to be a lifeguard.  The lifeguards were so much fun to talk to at the pool  They were so pretty, so handsome, and always good for a laugh or too.  I was honored when I was hired for my first summer job.

There were lots of older cute boys who worked at the pool with me.  There was lots of fun and horse play.  I went home every night with a smile on my face.  I was sixteen.  Life was good.

The little kids decided that they wanted to have a contest to see who could swim under water the longest.  They had done this for days.  I was always amazed at their stamina. 

This contest seemed  to be harmless.  And then, Anne had been hyperventilating to "build up" her endurance for swimming under water.  She dove off the board but passed out by the time she reached the shallow end.  When the other lifeguards finally got her out of the pool, she was not breathing.  I hope you never see that.

  It is a constant nightmare of mine of a little girl who's tongue keeps rolling in the back of her mouth preventing the air flow.  I was a wreck.  I paced back and forth between talking to 911 and comforting Melanie, Anne's little sister. 

I knew the ambulance would not get there in time.  How many minutes was it where her brain would need oxygen?

After what seemed to be almost twenty minutes (but must have been one) a man walked into the pool.  For some miracle of God,  this man was a doctor.  He knew just the position to get her head tilted back and the air into her lungs.  I don't remember what he looked like and where he went after all was said in done - but if there is such a thing as angels... I had witnessed one that day.

I remember Ann puking and getting up and walking around and at that moment, the ambulance finally made it to the pool.

Anne spent the night in the hospital for observation.

Sometimes, I see Anne at Walmart, a play, or just driving down the street.  She's a mom now.  I can't help but tear up and think how lucky she is - and how lucky I am that she's alive.

Life without Love?

I watched a few episodes from the first season of "This American Life" yesterday on Netflix. This episode struck a chord with me.

Of course, I believe in love. I think most of this past eighth grade class believed in love too. They were hopeless romantics like most of the other teens portrayed on the show.

I wonder what I would say to this kid if he was in my classroom. I hope I'd be respectful, but I'd have a hard time trying not to convince him there was such a thing as love.

Avalanche Ranch...

Last night, I took the girls to church for Vacation Bible School. This year's theme is "Avalanche Ranch." Each kid got a cowboy hat, and they sing cool country themed Christian songs. All of the kids are amazed with the props and stage.



And the costumes>>


And the big kids helping the little kids!!!
Allie was having so much fun!
I got a big bang out of this kid in his cowboy get up--- Those chaps... and the scarves! ha!
The Men's Group at our church are some of the best examples of good Christians. Every year, these guys jump at the chance to serve our Vacation Bible School. The flip pancakes and fry sausages with a smile. These men aren't young either. Most of these guys are in their eighties. Besides serving pancakes to seventy young people on a Monday night, these guys voluntarily mow our lawn every week. They amaze me. Their example speaks volumes to me and my generation at church. These guys are also in charge of the local food shelf. Yep. they are prettty much my heroes!Here's a good picture of Natalie considering the day's Bible verse in a deep, thoughtful way. Her friend with the brown hair is too. Or maybe not.


Look at all these cowboys and cowgirls yipping it up!

Kyrie Eleison

OOo.... Children singing this classic! So beautiful. So innocent. Perfect

Speaking of Amy Grant - --

I remember when my friend, Sara, sang this song at another choir concert. I remember seeing her in a whole new light. How beautiful!