Monday, December 29, 2008

Did you know?

I was an election judge in Minnesota. We were very meticulous with counting our votes. When we fed our votes through the machine, the machine tally counted a write in vote for every single judge. Of course, we went through each ballot and made sure each vote was counted. There were no write ins for those offices.

Of course, we pointed this out to our County Auditor. Of course, they recounted our recounts. Of course, they had to recount the recounts later when the Coleman/Franken race was so close.

I counted about seventy votes through a machine. Somehow the machine couldn't even count those seventy votes correctly.

I'm not minding the recount. I already knew the machines were unpredictable and full of errors.

It's just a shame that we had to pay for them.

Sorry... I threw out your Christmas Lights.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Sorry I ditched you with my grandma....

I figured out a cool new trick. When your long winded grandma comes to town, try this out on your spouse!!!!

First - Listen to your grandma's stories. You miss her. You love her. If she starts to get long winded and starts to talk about her B.Ms. Start looking for your spouse.

Second- Spot your spouse. Shout out "Hey Good Looking!" You catch his or her attention.

Third - Keep smiling at grandma like she's the most interesting person in the world.

Fourth - Wave your spouse over.

Fifth - Exclaim to your grandma "Oh my gosh Grandma, (insert name) would love to hear the story of how you canned twenty-seven jars of beans."

Sixth - Walk away. Don't look back.

Seventh- As you fall asleep that night, say "Sorry I ditched you with my grandma."

Thursday, December 11, 2008


I gave your seven year old daughter the Dirt Devil that we don't use for her birthday.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Sorry, I threw out the crap I bought from LTD because I'm too lazy to send it back.

Sorry ! I threw out your crap.

Last night as Jason was painting our fourth bedroom, he asked me to find his curling slides. Jason curls ... you know the sport. The slides fit on the bottom of his feet because ice just isn't slippery enough. Fear not. I have a lot of life insurance on this boy.

As I was looking for his slides, I went through many baskets of crap. Whenever I have company I spend lots of time putting things away, but there is always a basket of crap that I have no idea what to do with. I have about twenty baskets of crap.

I emptied basket upon basket looking for his slide hoping to find it. I decided some of my items in my crap basket had to go. I feel so guilty at my waste, but even a 3600 square foot house fills quickly.

I'm sorry I had to throw away the empty black bag with a strap. I don't know what it belongs to and or to whom it belongs.

I'm sorry I threw out the holiday ashtray you gave me. I don't smoke.


You know those really cute wicker placemats you gave me because they were taking up space in your kitchen? Gone.

Sorry!! I threw out the scraps of fabric I bought. I might need them one day.

Sorry! I threw out the embroidery thread that jams up my embroidery machine.

Sorry! I threw some quilting magazines away.

I hope you're no offended that I threw out the afgan I started making two years ago and forgot about until now.

Ummm... those jeans I was going to make a quilt with... you know the ones stacked in the living room. They're gone!

And all the forgotten lip glosses? Well. They're forgotten. They didn't even exist.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

How I became a teacher....

When the girls started going to school, I found myself volunteering at school. I watched the teachers and remembered how, at one time, I was that close to receiving my degree.

To make a long story short, I figured I had my degree until two weeks before graduation. I called the school and ask why I hadn't heard anything about the commencement ceremony. I wasn't graduating.

After enough volunteering at school, I got offered a job at the school as a paraprofessional helping students and teachers within the classroom. One afternoon, they were desperate. One of the teachers was ill and their substitute became ill. They asked me to sub. Because I wasn't a licenced teacher, they opened the partition between the second grade rooms and made the other second grade teacher the official teacher in the room while I taught my lesson, and she taught hers.

At the end of the day, the principal stopped me and told me that she was glad I could help, but this situation would never happen again.

Then she turned to me and said, "You know, you'd better go back. You've got to decide if this is something you want or not."

The next day, I called Shawn Soderberg at MSUM records office and discussed my course of action. I was enrolled at Minnesota State University Moorhead January 2007.

I was on my way.