OH bummer. My WiiFit balance board has informed me; "THAT'S OBESE!" For the past three months, I've been watching it. I mean - I'm cutting out foods with empty calories and reaching for food with more sustenance. And slowly, thirteen pounds have lost their way from my body and went somewhere else.
I'm angry. I hate the process of losing weight. It's painful - it makes me think about why I've gained weight and unsuccessful weight loss in the past. I hate that.
In high school, my weight bounced around a lot. I remember getting on the scale in ninth grade and being terrified that I weighed 138. I started dieting. I counted calories and exercised nonstop and wasn't successful. (Probably because I was supposed to weigh 138 lbs - based on my body frame)
I was obsessed with what I ate. My topics of conversation were calories, exercise, and weight. Yeah - really great stuff.
Eventually, a boy suggested I lose weight. I took to it. I lost a lot of weight. I threw up. I couldn't keep anything in my stomach. I was constantly sick. I didn't even know how to eat normal things anymore.
I'm not quite sure how I stopped myself. Maybe once that boy was removed from my life, everything went back to normal - back to somewhat healthy.
Now, I'm a mom. I have genetics. My babies were both born over ten pounds. I have type 2 diabetes to think about and avoid. I have high blood pressure and cholesterol to think about. These are not a problem now - but the reality strikes me every day when my WiiFit balance board announces; "That's Obese."
I really should mute that damn thing.
My weight had been creeping up on me - because I try not to think about what I'm eating. I don't want to count calories.And this is what is painful for me - trying to decide if I'm hungry - and what my body needs. And to be healthy, but slowly - because I don't want to be hungry.