Mindful Eating

OH bummer.  My WiiFit balance board has informed me; "THAT'S OBESE!"  For the past three months, I've been watching it.  I mean - I'm cutting out foods with empty calories and reaching for food with more sustenance. And slowly, thirteen pounds have lost their way from my body and went somewhere else.

I'm angry.  I hate the process of losing weight.  It's painful - it makes me think about why I've gained weight and unsuccessful weight loss in the past.  I hate that.

In high school, my weight bounced around a lot.  I remember getting on the scale in ninth grade and being terrified that I weighed 138.   I started dieting.  I counted calories and exercised nonstop and wasn't successful.  (Probably because I was supposed to weigh 138 lbs - based on my body frame) 

I was obsessed with what I ate.  My topics of conversation were calories, exercise, and weight.  Yeah - really great stuff.

Eventually, a boy suggested I lose weight.  I took to it.  I lost a lot of weight.  I threw up.  I couldn't keep anything in my stomach.  I was constantly sick.  I didn't even know how to eat normal things anymore.

I'm not quite sure how I stopped myself.  Maybe once that boy was removed from my life, everything went back to normal - back to somewhat healthy.

 Now, I'm a mom.  I have genetics.  My babies were both born over ten pounds.  I have type 2 diabetes to think about and avoid.  I have high blood pressure and cholesterol to think about.  These are not a problem now - but the reality strikes me every day when my WiiFit balance board announces; "That's Obese."

I really should mute that damn thing.

My weight had been creeping up on me - because I try not to think about what I'm eating.  I don't want to count calories.And this is what is painful for me - trying to decide if I'm hungry - and what my body needs.  And to be healthy, but slowly - because I don't want to be hungry.