Once my husband had a friend at work whom I absolutely loved. She was funny. She was cute, and she seemed to have a good sense of humor. I told her I thought she was great. As time went on, I noticed her getting super critical of me and super complimentary to J. Bird. She developed a crush on my husband.
I can distinctly remember her telling me things like
"You just don't know how lucky you have it."
or
"You know, Jason wouldn't like that."
I mean, I married the guy. I know how lucky I have it. I know what Jason likes and dislikes. Most of the time. It's one thing to not know everything about your husband. It's another thing to have some lady at work tell you you don't. I quickly moved from loving her to despising her.
This is a topic I discuss frequently with my friends - How to be friends with the opposite sex if friends at all. With their help, I've developed a list of rules. Not all of these boundaries have been crossed in my immediate experience. A lot of these boundaries have been crossed in my friends' lives or their friends' lives.
Rules to be friends with My Husband.
1. Don't send my husband hundreds of dirty text messages every day. One once in a while might be O.K. But, it might be wise to send it to both of us rather than just one of us.
2. When expecting my husband at the door, don't answer the door in only a towel. Daa. If you do that I may have to kill you.
3. Don't ask my husband; "Why didn't we have sex in high school?" If you do this, I just may have to kill you.
4. Don't tell me how to cook the food I'm making when I've invited you over for supper. For example, don't say things like "Ewww."
5. Don't ask me to make you lefse when I'm nine months pregnant while you flirt with my husband. Lefse is serious business. It takes hours to make. When I'm nine months pregnant, my husband needs to be making me lefse.
6. Don't tell me how good I have it. Tell my husband how good he has it. This will earn you brownie points with me. Never ever tell another woman how good she has it unless you are her friend and her friend only. Telling me how good I have it only implies that I'm an ungrateful hag who doesn't appreciate bearing two ten pound girls to my wonderful man who deserves better than me.
1. Don't send my husband hundreds of dirty text messages every day. One once in a while might be O.K. But, it might be wise to send it to both of us rather than just one of us.
2. When expecting my husband at the door, don't answer the door in only a towel. Daa. If you do that I may have to kill you.
3. Don't ask my husband; "Why didn't we have sex in high school?" If you do this, I just may have to kill you.
4. Don't tell me how to cook the food I'm making when I've invited you over for supper. For example, don't say things like "Ewww."
5. Don't ask me to make you lefse when I'm nine months pregnant while you flirt with my husband. Lefse is serious business. It takes hours to make. When I'm nine months pregnant, my husband needs to be making me lefse.
6. Don't tell me how good I have it. Tell my husband how good he has it. This will earn you brownie points with me. Never ever tell another woman how good she has it unless you are her friend and her friend only. Telling me how good I have it only implies that I'm an ungrateful hag who doesn't appreciate bearing two ten pound girls to my wonderful man who deserves better than me.
If anyone else has a rule I've missed let me know. I'm open to any suggestions. Thank you.
4 comments:
p.s. I don't think Jason knows how lucky he has it...
If a girl wants to be friends with your husband and she happens to be a mortgage broker who happens to be helping you mortgage your new place-then she should at least have the courtesy to not sleep with your husband after closing the deal on your house...(does give new meaning to 'seal the deal')!
Bren, I was sure you could come up with some rules!!!
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